A free personal online advice column
January 13, 2005
I threw up on my desk today and humiliated myself in front of my boyfriend and my whole
class. Help me!
How awful! That happened to me once when I was in the 5th grade, so I know how you feel!
The important thing to remember is to not let this incident eat away at you or continue to
embarrass you in the days to come. It happened, and you can't change it, right? Everyone
gets sick from time to time. Just pretend like it never happened. And if anyone comments
or teases you about it, the easiest thing to do is turn it into a joke. You could say
something like, "Yeah, I better stay away from those school lunches from now on, huh?" or
"That's what I get for eating leftover pizza for breakfast!" It will make your friends
laugh and it will show that you are mature enough to handle life's little curve balls!
January 11, 2005
I have been dating this beautiful woman for about 8 months now, and I never thought I could
be so in love. I know she loves and cares for me a great deal, but I know she doesnt love me
as much as I love her. Sometimes she tells me she needs her space, but then she asks me to
do things with her all the time. She frustrates and hurts me so deep at times I just don't
know what to do. I realize that I crowd her sometimes, and I want to back off, but it's just
so hard to be away from her. She won't tell me how she feels if I do something she doesn't
like, so how am I supposed to know what to change? She'll just let everything build up, and
then blow up at me. It's like her wants and needs change from day to day. She has been
through a lot of bad relationships in the past, so all I ever try to do is make her happy.
But it feels like she won't let me. Please help me if you can in any way possible. I just
can't handle all the confusing things she does, and I can't take losing her.
Dear Scared and Upset,
Why does love always have to feel like a see-saw? Even in the best of marriages, the scales
usually tip one way or the other at various points in the relationship. It's a part of the
peaks and valleys that come with ANY relationship, and, in the end, it's what keeps us coming
back for more.
It's obvious to me, and probably anyone around you, that you are very much in love with this
woman and would do anything to make her happy. That's very commendable. Many women go their
whole lives without having someone feel that way about them. However, it seems to me that
your girlfriend is a little confused about what she wants. By making her call the shots all
the time, and bowing to her every whim, you are only perpetuating the fact that she doesn't
know what she wants. Maybe you should try taking charge once in a while? Not ALL the time,
and not being a jerk about it, but enough to show her that you are your own person with your
own wants and needs, and it has to be an equal give-and-take between the two of you.
Complete and honest communication is your answer. You have to be completely open with her
and she with you. Sometimes you might have to remind her to do that. And if you still can't
seem to make it work? Then maybe it's time for you to stand up straight ask yourself if this
woman is truly giving you what you want and deserve out of life. I know it will hurt like
crazy to walk away, but it's better to do it sooner than later so you can start searching
for that woman who WILL give you everything you want out of life.
January 4, 2005
I am hopeless. There's this guy that I like. I'm not sure if he likes me or not. All of his
friends think I hate him and they probably told him. I caught his eye one time but then he
looked away. I need to figure out if this guy likes me or not so I can move on. How can you
find out if a guy likes you?
My first question would be, "Why does this guy and/or his friends think that you hate him?"
Was there an incident that happened or a misunderstanding?
If so, then there's your way in. Approach him and bring up the misunderstanding to clear the
air. While you are talking, you and he will both get a feel for how you both feel about each
other and it will or won't grow from there.
If there was no misunderstanding, then I suggest you take a deep breath, and just approach
him. Don't be aggressive, just be friendly. Say "Hi" one morning, or ask him what he did
over the weekend on a Monday. Just keep in mind that the worst thing that can happen is that
he won't to talk to you. THAT'S already happening... So you've got nothing to lose! Good luck!
December 3, 2004
I recently moved in with a guy friend that I've known for a very long time. Everything has
been great except this one little thing: I wanted him to accept my friends because I know he
doesn't really like the kind of people I hang out with. And so he did. I asked the same of
my friends, too. And so they did. And now, I will come home and find them hanging out
together, or going places together, and doing so much more with him then me! I wish I
didn't have to work so much, but now I feel like I am losing my two best friends to one of
my oldest friends. I tried to talk to them about it, but they all say the same thing, that
I am crazy and they will always be my friend first. But they continue to do this and I
continue to feel left out. I dont know what else to do. If I say something again, I think
they will get mad and it won't really do any good. After all, I ASKED them to accept each
other, right? Help!
Dear Feeling Left Out,
I think I can say with all certainly that you can rest assured that your friends are not
TRYING to hurt you, nor do they not want to spend time with you, nor do they like your
roommate more than they like you. You're roommate just happens to be more convenient. I
know... It's not fair. But how do you fix it?
Friendships are very much like casual versions of relationships. It's easy to forget that.
You have to nurture a friendship and put effort into it for it to grow. The nice thing about
true friendships is that you can forget to tend to them for a while, and they will usually
bounce back with no repercussions. So, don't allow your jealousy to rule your attitude right
now. Step up to the plate and take action! Call your friends, make plans with them in advance
when you are available, invite your roommate along. When you see a $2 item in a store and you
say, "So-and-so would laugh at that", don't just walk away, buy it and give it to them, so
they know you are thinking about them. Send or give cards on birthdays. I know it sounds
cheesy, but have you ever gotten that warm and fuzzy feeling when a card shows up in your
mailbox that you weren't expecting? Give that feeling to your friends.
The point is, only you can control your emotions. Jealousy and self-pity will not get you
anywhere. Take action and MAKE yourself an active part of their lives again. YOU are in
control of your schedule, so only YOU know when you are free. Make sure everyone else does
November 9, 2004
Lately I have been going out a lot and meeting a lot of guys. Sadly to say, every guy that I
have met has been interested in one thing only...sex!! This is so frustrating to me because
I hold myself very high and I don't understand why they think I am just going to put out???
But the problem that really troubles me is that it's a lose-lose situation... if I put out,
then they never talk to me again and if I don't they never talk to me again. I mean, are
there any guys out there interested in more then just sex?!?! I'm getting older and
interested in a relationship, not just having fun. I know you find that person when you're
not looking, but even when I'm not looking I'll meet a guy, he'll sweep me off my feet, and
then turn around and do the same thing!!! I don't understand what I am doing wrong!!!! I
could really use some advice!!!!
Dear Boy Troubles,
You know, the proper thing to tell you here is that you need to stick to your guns and when
the right boy comes along, it will happen naturally and when you are ready.
BUT that's just not the real world, is it? Here's the deal: All men want sex. It's just a
fact of nature. Very few of them even grow out of it as they get older. Most of them are
used to being turned down all the time. That's partially why all your dates are trying. They
figure if they can score 1 out of 20 times, they are doing good.
But you want to know the secret to getting a guy to stick around? It's sad, but true. You
have to keep him emotionally at bay. You can't let him know you really like him until you
are absolutely sure he really likes you. Guys need to feel needed. It's in their chemistry.
If he feels that you don't really need him, he will try harder to prove that you do. And it
will take a backseat to him trying to get in the sack constantly. This won't work for all
guys, but it DOES work, trust me.